It is estimated that each year 120,000 adoptions take place in the United States. Families start and expand through this extremely rewarding process. At the same time, as we have discussed this week it is also a strenuous and complicated process at times Just as having children is, adoption is a life-long commitment, and as we examined through assimilation and reunion discussions, one that brings additional challenges and experiences to the child-rearing process. Starting the process entails big decisions including whether to go ahead and use an agency or go about it independently, as well as whether to adopt internationally or intercountry. It also brings a large financial commitment, which can be as much as $40,000 dollars through some agencies. The legal documentation is also extremely taxing and lengthy, especially in international adoptions, which can take years to go through since both governments have laws that must be met. Depending on the circumstances and preferences of the adoptive family and/or the birth family, there is a plethora of options regarding the legalities of the relationship between the two families. The most common include open adoptions and closed adoptions. Whatever parents decide, the road to finally receiving your child is a long yet worthwhile one!
As parents there are many different challenges to overcome that are unique to adoptive families. First, there is the big talk that parents must have with their children to inform them that they were adopted – and this can take place is a variety of ways and at many different times. Some parents choose to start explaining it to their children in bits and pieces from early ages, while others wait to have long talks during their teenage years. However, the discussion this week showed that most people have the opinion that it is most important to be honest and up-front with your children, no matter how you do it! Especially since the child will then need to consider whether they have an interest in pursuing a relationship with their birth family or not, which most people considered to be an extremely difficult reality for adoptive parents. We also looked at a number of valuable sources to help parents deal with the issues of assimilation in to the family, and building cohesion in light of racial, ethnic, or cultural differences. One response gave a personal account of a friend who always felt out of place in his own skin because of his racial difference from his adoptive parents – and this is a huge challenge that is important for families to be able to face through honesty and cohesion.
We also looked at how adopted kids view their situation, and got very valuable information through a personal interview. The most noted and interesting points that people found in this discussion were that not all adoptees feel the same way about their status, and some want to meet their birth families while others have little interest in doing so. In the same way, others pointed out that being adopted does not control a person’s life or thoughts. They live every day just like all other children with families do! They also do not necessarily want to adopt kids themselves or have particularly strong feelings on the topic simply because that it was occurred for them. They want to make their own decisions just like anyone based on their goals and desires, not just on what their parents did.
Another interview revealed the intense emotions and conflicts surrounding the issue of birth family reunions. Technology and social networking today have made a huge impact on this process, one that is positive for some and negative for others. However, in this case the interviewee was steady in faith and mature enough at the time of contact that she has maintained incredible perspective throughout her reunion. She even said she loved telling her story! At the same time, there are many points in her story that could cause intense conflict in other adopted children – such as her birth mother’s lack of interest in her life, her sisters’ label for her as the “lucky one”, and the fact that they contacted her unannounced. In general, the overall feeling after this interview was that birth families really need to show control, respect the agreements they have made, and restrain from contacting their children especially before the age of eighteen.
Lastly, the current hot topic surrounding adoption in the United States has come about due to the historic natural disaster in Haiti, which has left many adoptive families in the United States searching for their children, attempting to get them home, and some even starting new adoption processes in response to the crisis. The consensus here was that the United States has responded well to this issue by loosening their regulations to help adoptive families unite with their children and bring them in to the country. However, it is also agreed that in light of the crisis situation, there is no justification for any adoptions that do not meet all regulations and standards because they are there to protect Haitian families and their children. While expediting an ongoing adoption is positive, attempting to bypass laws in order to obtain one is not.
In conclusion, it seemed that people were thinking about adoption and adopted children in new ways. More things to consider are whether or not any of this information changed your opinions about the adoption process, parenting an adopted child, or being an adopted child? Has your perspective been expanded regarding any of these topics? In addition, how does the information presented in the blog relate to what we are reading in the text? Do you feel as though it has enhanced what has been presented in the reading? Has anything conflicted with what you’ve read in this class or in general? And lastly, what do you think would be the most challenging or the most rewarding part of adoption for you?
Children all over the world are looking for families and homes, and no matter how exhausting or difficult it may be, the bottom line is that it is remarkable how many people are searching and anxious to welcome them in to theirs.
Sources:
“Chapter Six: Adoption”
http://www.abanet.org/publiced/practical/books/family/chapter_6.pdf
Posted by: Courtney Vataha, Kendall Eifler, Nancy Chen, Cassandra Knox, and Jessica Powell
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